Nordic Household Rules
by Gray Carolean
Summary: The rules one would follow if the decided to move in with the Nordics. Rated "M" for mentions of male/male relationships, violence, and various wars. The rating may be changed later.
1. Volume 1

Note: Allusions to and mentions of Male X Male relationships (yaoi) ; discussion of metal fan groups and human sexuality ; violent imagery

1\. No commenting on whether or not Iceland is Norway's little brother. Iceland is a mature, adult nation and doesn't wish to call Norway "big brother". Iceland did this when he was a chibi!nation and now refuses to acknowledge the fact that they are related.

2\. This also goes for Denmark in reference to the rest of the Nordics, although this infuriates Sweden the most. When this argument occurs between them they will take of their shirts, shoes, and socks proceeding to wrestle on whatever cleared area they can find. This includes beds and one will try to force the other into submission. Theirs actions tend to attract rabid yaoi fans who will request to watch and/or film the proceeding fight. If this happens, kindly usher them away to protect everyone's dignity as well as Sealand's innocents.

3\. Do not ask if Sweden is older than Norway. Historians can't agree on this and the Viking Trio bickers enough already.

4\. Sealand can, in fact, have two male parental figures. He simply refers to Sweden as "Papa" and to Finland as "Dad". Both are willing to inflict pain onto those who criticize their relationship as it it healthy and consensual.

5\. **Do not** talk about Scandinavian metal around Finland or Norway. They will fight over whose is the better variety and then Sweden and Denmark will have to stop them from killing each other (we already know how well _they_ get along). Note: Metal fans are usually incredibly loyal to their favorite sub-genera (there are over 100 of them) and may fight to the death to defend its honor. You have been warned.

6\. If you want weapon training from any of the Nordics, just ask politely. It is highly likely that they will oblige you if one shows them respect and human decency.

7\. Don't touch someones' weapon without their permission. If one does so, they will have approximately 5 seconds to flee before getting decapitated, cut apart, beaten to a flesh-smear, shot in their vital regions, impaled, having their mandible removed via staff-strike and/or obliterated with magic.

8\. Consult Norway if one wishes to learn magic. He is willing to take on apprentices but is very careful with whom he selects.

9\. No commenting on or asking about anyones' sexuality, romantic orientation, or gender identity. Only if one of the Nordics volunteers this information and says that they are willing discuss it should this topic be approached: From then on procedure cautiously.

10\. Be wary of any of the Nordics who happen to be intoxicated. They may revert to previous versions of themselves and this is rather detrimental any nearby personifications and/or mortals.

Author's Note: I do not own Hetalia. The "Nordic Household Rules" is a series of rules from a contract that one would have to sign before moving in with the Nordics. I will update it with addition sets of 10 when I have the time to do so. As with all of my works, reviews and constructive criticism are appreciated.

Bye!

-Gray Carleon


	2. Volume 2

Notes: Mentions of war, eating disorders/body image, Caroleans, and chemistry.

1\. Refrain from saying that Iceland is anorexic. He isn't and will be offended that someone thinks that having a thin body type is equal to an eating disorder.

2\. Don't touch the fluff! Denmark's hair is naturally spiky (oddly enough...) and any searches for hair products will be in vain.

3\. Additionally, don't take Denmark's little hat. He will get pouty and Norway will have to curse the perpetrator. Results of this have been rather...unpleasant.

4\. Don't "misplace" Sweden's glasses to see how he would function without them. He doesn't.

5\. Don't take Iceland's ribbon tie. He needs it in order to look presentable at meetings.

6\. Take Norway's hair clip or Finland's necklace and they will hunt you down.

7\. Only bring up the Winter War around Finland if one wishes to hear military lectures. One will be stuck hearing about guerrilla warfare for days.

8\. Also, never say that Finland lost the Winter War. He will prove you wrong.

9\. Sweden has issues when it comes to backing down from a challenge. This stems from his own temperament, unwillingness to shut up and die, and his time as a Karoliner.

10\. Sweden and Germany should avoid chemistry labs when within 300 meters of each other. They have yielded some amazing and terrifying results over the years.

Here is the second edition of Nordic Household Rules! Once again, I don't own Hetalia or it's characters. This work is mine though.

Notes concerning the rules:

1\. It is incredibly rude and ignorant to say that a thin person is "anorexic". Eating disorders are serious diseases. Most naturally thin people are born that way and try very hard to gain weight, but that is a topic for another day.

8\. In history books, it is generally said that the Finns lost the Winter War due to the loss of territory but the war humiliated the USSR, as their armies were defeated by a relatively tiny country with no official help.

9\. Karoliner would march through volleys of gunfire to get closer than any other army at the time to insure accuracy. They also were taught to not dodge bullets and rarely retreated.

10\. Both Sweden and Germany have had their shares of great chemists. The Fahrenheit scale was created by a German; Celsius was created by a Swede.

If I got any of the facts wrong, please let me know. Constructive criticism and comments are you for reading!

-Gray Carolean


	3. Volume 3

Note: Mentions of male x male relationships, vikings, and coffee

1\. Never attempt to make your own Molotov Cocktails. Finland will have to teach you how to properly make and use one, often on anyone who recently annoyed him.

2\. No giving Sealand Molotov Cocktails either; He may launch an all-out assault on Britain. This could result in a lecture from Lord Eyebrows himself, as well as a... discussion with Sweden and Finland concerning influence over their child.

3\. Please avoid lava diving with Iceland. This will have unpleasant results unless one is part water-bear.

4\. Do not leave Denmark or Norway unattended with an open flame. They may decide to reenact Viking raids, although not always together or at the same time. Some countries will be rather displeased if they must deal with the Northman's wrath again.

5\. On the subject of vikings, don't try to find any old gear to wear. One will be unable to locate it and/or use it properly.

6\. Iceland will read sagas as bedtime stories, but only if asked in either Icelandic or Old Norse.

7\. One should never attempt to outdo any of the Nordics in a snowball fight. If they are fighting together, it is advised to surrender lest there be casualties.

8\. If asked nicely, Sweden will build structures out of ice for a person. One will have to talk to General Winter if one wishes for them to stay intact during the summer, though.

9\. No surprise wake ups, please. Each of the Nordics have the tendency to attack the person or thing that rouses them from a deep sleep while screaming incoherently.

10\. It is wise to leave at least 3 cups worth of coffee each for Finland and Norway; This is why there are 3 coffee makers on the kitchen counter. God help whomever forgets to restock or put it on the shopping list...

I don't own Hetalia or its characters. I only own this list. This is the third volume of Nordic Household Rules. Please correct me if I have gotten any information wrong. Comments and constructive criticism are appreciated. Thanks for reading!

Bye!

-Gray Carolean

Notes:

1\. Molotov Cocktails were used during the Winter War to disable tanks. They were cheap and easy to using everyday items. The name is based on the USSR's prime minister who said that planes were dropping breadbaskets over Finland. In reality, they dropped bombs and thus the Cocktail was named to go along with the "bread".

2\. In general, giving children weapons is not a good idea. Sealand would attack Britain because the latter canonically wouldn't recognize him as a real country. "Lord Eyebrows" can be seen as a sarcastic nickname due to Britain's large eyebrows.

3\. Swimming is lava will harm a human being. Parachuting over volcanos in actually done in Iceland and people will ride the rising hot air. Water bears are microscopic creatures that are strongly resistant to extreme temperatures and radiation levels.

4\. The British Isles, France, and the other areas in Western Europe were raided by Danish and Norwegian vikings. The Swedes went east towards the Baltic States, Finland, Byzantium, and Russia. They traded and acted as mercenaries.

5\. Artifacts from the Viking Age would be worth a pretty penny and are most likely rather fragile. Also, very few "normal" people would even know who to correctly wield the weapons and wear the clothes.

6\. Asking in Icelandic would show that the person could probably understand at least part of the story and that they person actually cares (Icelandic is a relatively difficult language to learn). Asking in Old Norse would mean that the person would be able to understand the story. The sagas were written in Old Norse in Iceland.

8\. Sweden has an ice hotel that is rebuilt every winter and melts int the summer.

10\. All of the Nordics consume lots of coffee with Norway and Finland being the greatest.


	4. Volume 4

Note: Mosh pits, magic, and mildly-mannered men

1\. Denmark and Sweden are allowed to engage in water wrestling only when supervised by a responsible adult. Hospital trips aren't exactly fun for the whole family.

2\. When at a metal concert, Norway and Finland are to be mosh pit buddies. It is crucial that neither are lost because Hel will dance with the mortals.

3\. Sweden will do clothing alterations, if asked nicely.

4\. Avoid pestering Iceland about whether or not he can see Norway's magical creatures. He has his own to worry about.

5\. Making fun of Finland's ability to name things "is mean, and stupid, and, cruel." At th very least, the repercussions of such actions include being stuck on the naughty list and receiving zero presents from Santa.

6\. If one is locked outside the main house for vehemently insulting Denmark's pastries, call someone else and one will probably be let back inside. After which, they are to apologize to the offended baker.

7\. If one knows Old Norse, please be mindful of the East-West distinction. Having ex-vikings fill in missing or misunderstood ideas due to being out of practice doesn't lead to a pleasant and fruitful conversation.

8\. It should be noted that Sweden is a proud and majestic man. When he wants to show it, he will. Until then, no surprise parades.

9\. "Sorry" sessions cannot go on for more that 2 hours at a time. Otherwise, relationships will fall apart.

10\. Watching "Vikings" with the Nordics is a risk-reward situation. On one hand, they can enjoy a semi-historical series with interesting characters and beautiful scenery. On the other...well, that's history...

I don't own Hetalia or its characters. I only own this fanmade series, "Nordic Household Rules".

Some notes:

1\. Water wrestling is done when opponents try to hold the others' head under water until they submit. Matches can take lots of time.

2\. Mosh pits can be dangerous territory, so try to avoid insanity.

3\. Aph Sweden has altered clothes canonically and is good at sewing.

4\. There are a lot of cool and creepy creatures in Icelandic myth, including fox-cats that kill you by looking at you and cats that eat those how don't get clothing items for Christmas.

5\. The quote is from an episode of Hetalia where tiny America runs around and France loses a fish that he caught.

6\. It is important to learn to apologize and to forgive, even when concerning baked goods.

7\. Old Norse had some difference between where it was spoken in the East (Denmark and Sweden) and the West (Norway and Iceland). The ex-vikings wouldn't have spoken the language in a while, presumably, and so things may get lost in the translation.

8\. Aph Sweden is only Hetalia character with a canon sexuality: he is homosexual.

9\. Some games can ruin friendships. "Sorry" is one of those games.

Please, correct me if I got something wrong. Comments and constructive criticism are appreciated. Thanks for reading!

Best wishes!

-Gray Carolean


	5. Volume 5

Note: mentions of magic, odd pets, and volatile people

1\. Please, for the love of all that is holy, don't try to catch Iceland's ravens. They do not take kindly to that one you will end up peck, scratched, and without a fluffy bird to hold. Blood directly translates to "raven's wine" in Old Norse for a good reason.

2\. Also, don't try to make Iceland join an ice hockey team dubbed the "Reykjavík Ravens". You will get a shield thrown at you.

3\. If you manage the visibly anger Iceland, may the good Lord have mercy on your soul. Only He could save you then.

4\. It should be noted that Sweden makes all the Nordics' consumes for Halloween. Thus, if you require assistance and don't mind getting measured, he's your man.

5\. Please avoid suddenly bursting into song at the diner table. Life is not a musical and the meal may get wrecked by the time the song has run its course.

6\. Unless you know what you are doing, don't interrupt meal preparation. The guys can get a tad bit serous about it.

7\. It is to be declared that the Nordics are the Champions of Skyrim with each having a hold under his protection. Fire, frost, and poison breathers beware: it take more than fangs, claws and magic to fell these Nords.

8\. In the case of nightmares and things that go bump in the night, at least give warning before clambering into someone's bed. Surprise cold person appearances don't work well with millennium old warriors.

9\. Ask before bringing home any new pets. It was hard enough explaining the tarantulas fleeing from kittens fleeing from mini world-serpents.

10\. You only have to ask if you want to observe the Aurora Borealis away from other people. Unless everyone's at Denmark's. Then you'll have to travel a bit.

Author's note: I do not own Hetalia or its characters. I only own this work. As always, comments and constructive criticism are appreciated. Please correct me if I messed up with factually. Thank you for reading!

Best wishes!

-Gray Carolean

1\. Seriously, don't try to hold wild birdies. They don't like it. Ravens are considered clever, handsome birds in Iceland and are one of the beasts of battle for the vikings.

2\. For a Nordic country, not a lot of Icelanders like hockey. For vikings, throwing a shield could hurt an opponent or fake them out for an attack.

3\. Icelanders consider it very rude to openly show anger so when show one probably crossed the line more than a couple of times...

7\. Nordic dragons breath poison instead of fire, unlike most European dragons.

10\. The Northern lights can't be seen in Denmark because it isn't in the Arctic Circle.


End file.
